I work for a non governmental organisation in New Zealand, we specialise in addictions and family support. I am professionally very successful in my field and mother to 2 children and step mother to my partners daughter also.
To other people I look like I have it all sorted: the likable successful guy, the great job and nice kids. But I also knew the odds were stacked against us being a permanent family as the failure rate of blended families is very high (60% in NZ).
I don’t think I need to go into great detail on my partners behaviour – On reading your book I thought he might even be related to your Steve, such were the similarities.. the fantasies, the lies, the ego-seeking behaviour, problems with money/porn/other women being led on, the bullying and threatening me. And this guy is a Rescue Helicopter Paramedic, it defied my understanding that he had two such VERY different sides!! I used to called him Jekyll and Hyde …
We have been to counselling (individual and couple and even a tripartite set of sessions with his ex-wife!) – I have read all the ‘classic’ books on relationship building (Men are from Mars, You Can heal Your Life, the list goes on and on and on..) etc. On reading your book “Through the Looking Glass” I FINALLY found a perspective that acknowledged the conflicting parts of such a dysfunctional relationship. (That leaving is not an option,that my codependency was as much a part of the equation as his narcissism etc).
That was over 2 years ago. We are a vastly different couple now. Even he cannot believe how different we are to each other. I truly thought I was going to be stuck with a “man-child” for the rest of my life, and I would be just a shadow.. doing the ‘right’ things but merely existing, nothing more. I saw my mother do this… I know how it goes….
Without your book, I KNOW that I would not have been able to initiate the changes that needed to happen for us to both be the adults we could really be.
– Our kids thank you for it. (They have the family that they love)
– My family thanks you for it. (They can see their aspirations for me to succeed in life are met)
– My friends thank you for it. (My relationship no longer dominates my every waking thought – I am no longer a walking zombie!) My partner thanks you for it – He found your book under our bed 2 months ago and was so interested he read it!! He didn’t feel betrayed/upset that I looked for help to have a loving a connected functional relationship with him.
Incidentally, I only received your book because I emailed you through your website and I said that I couldn’t put it on our credit card as he controlled all spending….
You gifted the book to me.
Without your generosity and altruism, well, none of this would have been possible.
Since things are better now and I have my own financial independence, I have recently gone on to order 2 of your other books and when I have worked through those and the challenges they set for my growth and development, I’ll no doubt order the next one that looks useful to me.
With all my thanks,
Lisa Lawrence – 2IC