Understanding Narcissism

Is Narcissism Wrecking your Relationship?

NPD Traits …

• Putting yourself above others and putting people down.
• Being a completely different person in public than in private.
• Blaming your shortcomings on others.
• Using charm, manipulation and untruths to get your way, with little regard for the feelings or well being of others.
• Boasting, arrogance, haughtiness and cynicism in private, contrasted by a charming public image.
• Irresponsibility with commitments and finances.
• Scapegoating others for your wrong doings.
• Racism, sexism, chauvinism and snobbishness.
• Emotional detachment.
• Fantasy romantic and sexual pre occupation.
• Addictions.
• A tendency to ‘seduce and abandon’ friends and lovers.
• A deep seated sense of inadequacy.
• Using people for attention, adoration and material gain.
• Craving attention and adoration.

It is sometimes stated that a dash of narcissism is necessary and healthy for survival and self preservation. True narcissism, as in smiling for the camera, feeling special or important and/or using charm to gain attention and adoration, is not a problem but generally seen as a positive quality. It is when these behaviours are coupled with aggression, irresponsibility and a need to control others that the word begins to gain it’s more modern translation (which in fact refers more closely to the set of behaviours associated with the personality disorder NPD).

You may find it helpful to understand the concept of narcissism as related to NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) referred to in the bullet points above.

These behaviours create very difficult and painful relationships and can cause some really hard feelings and emotional damage over time.

While we tolerate a certain degree of this type of narcissism in children, it is something we usually expect to see diminish with age; NPD tendencies could in fact be described as immaturity.

Although it is sometimes said that there is no cure for this personality disorder, we dispute this and have seen narcissistic people face their false pride and take on the task of learning new skills to improve their relationships and behaviour. Please note however that this is a serious and stubborn condition and you will definitely need support in handling your partner’s abusive and selfish nature and in protecting yourself if you are the partner of someone suffering from symptoms of this disorder.

We all display these tendencies to some degree, especially when there is confusion about what is expected of us (or there are conflicting or unrealistic expectations on us) and so it is important to understand narcissism, it’s causes and have some idea how to manage this in ourselves and others. Unfortunately, appeals to reason and a person’s better nature will rarely work when dealing with a person’s narcissistic or NPD tendencies.

If you are interested you can read more about Steve and my personal battle and victory over NPD in our eBooks on this subject HERE

Click here for a version of this page that you can share with a friend!