In our last lesson, I talked about SR’s. These are standard responses or stories that people tell over and over again.
In today’s lesson, I am going to share two techniques that will encourage the person you are conversing with to get out of SR mode and switch on their imagination instead.
Real-time conversations—as opposed to SR’s are the only place you can forge a deeper and more genuine connection and fresh memories.
Beyond Social Banter
Ask Open-Ended Questions
Once you have drawn someone out conversationally you may start to get a hint of where you may find a connection. This is the time when open-ended questions can be used to lead the conversation someplace you both might find interesting.
Example 1.
Friend: “I spent the weekend rebuilding my bike.”
Me: (not interested in bikes) “You like fixing things?”
Friend: “yeah I love it, you can get instructions to fix anything online now. Steve told me you fixed your phone recently!”
Example 2.
Steve: “We went down to Wangaratta to play the Rovers that year.”
Me: (not interested in football) “What other holidays do you remember going on when you were a kid?”
Steve: Going to the mountains was the best, you would have loved walking along the mountain streams in Jingellic.”
Challenge Their Creative Thinking
If the person you are talking to is complaining or just stuck on a topic that is not very inspiring, see if you can challenge them to think creatively.
Example 1.
Mum: “I can’t believe what a mess they have made of our local shopping centre – I am scared to even drive into the underground car park!”
Me: “I wonder how you would have built that place if they had given you the job of design it? Would you have put a garden inside or maybe some stained glass windows? What would you have done . . . really . . . ?
Example 2.
Daughter: I can’t believe that ——- (her boyfriend) is going to be away all weekend. It’s not fair!
Me: “I bet you wish you could have gone with him. If you had, I wonder what you two would be doing right now?”
Now it’s your turn. Let’s see what ideas you can come up with for some open-ended questions and creative thinking challenges?
I want to hear how you are going, so please leave a comment below!
Kim,
I love the idea of challenging a chronic complainer to think creatively! The older we get, the more my husband complains about the way ‘they’ do things (not that I never do :-)). I then get crabby from listening to all that negativity.
I’m going to try playfully challenging him (and myself) to come up with creative ways it could have been done – hopefully shifting some of our crabbiness into creativity.
Thanks, Kim!
Abbey