{"id":3502,"date":"2018-06-29T04:57:10","date_gmt":"2018-06-29T04:57:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/narcissismcured.com\/thencmarriage\/?p=3502"},"modified":"2021-03-22T00:55:51","modified_gmt":"2021-03-22T00:55:51","slug":"after-the-fight","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/narcissismcured.com\/thencmarriage\/codependent\/codependency-self-help\/after-the-fight\/","title":{"rendered":"After the Fight"},"content":{"rendered":"

‘After the Fight<\/em>‘ was originally posted on our member’s site, this version has been revised and updated 22\/3\/2021.
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By Kim Cooper<\/p>\n

Y<\/span>ou are sitting alone after a big fight. Nasty things have been said, plans have been spoiled. Apart and at odds with each other you are both unbalanced and in emotional pain.<\/p>\n

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A Guide to Human Love<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

You feel desperate to see your partner again and hear them apologize for all the terrible things they have said and done.<\/p>\n

“What do I say now?” <\/em><\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

You ask yourself or anyone who will listen.
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“How do I get them to come home?”<\/em><\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

You reach for the phone or walk to the next room; ready to try and convince them how wrong they are NOT to care about how hurt you feel.<\/p>\n

Although your heart wants to make up . . .\u00a0 just to prove that hurt\u2014and how much you deserve sympathy\u2014your head tries to convince them just how awful and wrong they have been.<\/p>\n

You know this isn’t likely to work and will probably cause them to hang up, but because you feel so bad, you don’t censure yourself and you let your head rule.<\/strong><\/p>\n

When your convincing talk and blame don’t work, you may start crying or threaten to hurt yourself or even get angry and start yelling again.<\/p>\n

Starting the fight all over again may feel better than feeling their love has gone cold.<\/p>\n

Or perhaps your partner is no-where to be found, and you turn to\u00a0alcohol, drugs or cigarettes for comfort.<\/p>\n

If you can relate to any<\/em> of this, I want to step into your life and show you why, at this point, you should stop doing what you are doing.<\/p>\n

Put down the phone. Go back to your own part of the house. Put down the bottle of alcohol or that cigarette. Or if you are out drowning your sorrows\u2014make the decision it’s time to go home.”<\/em><\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I know it is probably the last thing you want to hear\u2014but this is the point where you can most quickly create positive change for yourself and begin to create a better life.<\/p>\n

‘Convincing’ and acting desperate are only going to hurt you.<\/p>\n

I hear it all the time that people think they cannot control these desperate feelings. I’m here to show you just how wrong this belief is.<\/p>\n

You may simply have not reached rock bottom yet but my question to you is:<\/p>\n

How bad will things need to get before you see it is you who is going to need to help yourself?”<\/em><\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

How bad will it get before you see what I am describing here? I have had a woman access our material from jail\u2014having been wrongly accused by her husband\u2014before she realised it was her and no one else who would need to find the strength to change her life.<\/p>\n

This reminds me of a book my cousin bought for my children called Hatchet. It was a story about a boy, marooned on an island, who is soon forced to realise that tears and self-pity will not save him. His desperate situation makes him see he has no choice but to dig deep in himself and find the strength to provide for his own self-preservation.<\/p>\n