{"id":3177,"date":"2018-05-07T02:59:38","date_gmt":"2018-05-07T02:59:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/narcissismcured.com\/thencmarriage\/?p=3177"},"modified":"2018-09-03T06:33:40","modified_gmt":"2018-09-03T06:33:40","slug":"how-do-i-not-let-a-narcissist-affect-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/narcissismcured.com\/thencmarriage\/narcissist\/self-help-for-narcissism\/how-do-i-not-let-a-narcissist-affect-me\/","title":{"rendered":"How do I not let a narcissist affect me?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>How do I not let a narcissist affect me?<\/span><\/a><\/h2>\n

This Quora article (link above) has recently been discussed at length in our private members area<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

Following are a few thoughts on it, along with a bit of an update of what has been happening in Steve and my lives in the past few months. <\/span><\/p>\n

The article states . . .<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

The person you initially believed the narcissist was . . .\u00a0 <\/span>doesn’t exist\u201d X<\/span><\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

This statement implies that Narcissistic tendencies are the sign of an all pervading and static personality type (which I know is a common viewpoint) but we disagree. <\/span><\/p>\n

For instance;<\/strong> when Steve is feeling calm and safe with me, he is a very different man to the one I live with at times when he is emotionally triggered (I remember times when this has lasted for weeks and even months in the past) and feeling the need to retreat into false pride (or might we even say narcissistic defence?).<\/span><\/p>\n

Just because the person Steve becomes when he is emotionally triggered can be selfish and unbridled, doesn\u2019t mean the good person he is when he is calm and feeling connected should have his existence denied. <\/span><\/p>\n

I would argue it is the habitual emotional responses of people with narcissistic tendencies (rather than than their personality) which makes this behaviour appear so static, because emotional responses are difficult to change.\u00a0<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

The reason they are difficult to change, and I state this repeatedly throughout our work, is that our amygdala\u2019s response to certain triggers happens faster than our reasoning brain can catch. <\/span><\/p>\n

The fact ‘the hare\u2019 (our amygdala or emotional brain) is so much faster than ‘the tortoise\u2019 (our pre frontal cortex or reasoning brain), creates a situation where we must be vigilant in watching and interpreting about our own and our loved ones emotional triggers if we want our negative reactions to fear or scarcity (real or perceived) to improve. <\/span><\/p>\n

(Note: This work is what we focus on and support each other with in my master class<\/a>.)<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

For example;<\/strong> Watching Supernanny in the example below, we see that parents trying to reason with children who are emotionally triggered rarely works.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

https:\/\/youtu.be\/rR7VOByEubk<\/a>