{"id":2701,"date":"2017-05-14T06:08:37","date_gmt":"2017-05-14T06:08:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/narcissismcured.com\/thencmarriage\/?p=2701"},"modified":"2018-09-03T06:39:22","modified_gmt":"2018-09-03T06:39:22","slug":"holding-narcissist-accountable","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/narcissismcured.com\/thencmarriage\/narcissist\/signs-narcissism\/holding-narcissist-accountable\/","title":{"rendered":"Holding a Narcissist Accountable"},"content":{"rendered":"

(An earlier version of this\u00a0article was first published on the narcissism Daily Mirror and then at:\u00a0www.thelovesafetynet.com<\/a>.)<\/span><\/p>\n

\"Narcissist<\/a>How to Hold a Narcissist Accountable<\/h2>\n

O<\/span>ne of the most frustrating aspects of living, loving and\/or working with a person with the Signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder<\/span><\/a> is certainly dealing with their lack of accountability.<\/span><\/p>\n

Anything that goes wrong is always someone else\u2019s fault. No matter how logically you argue, if they have to swear the grass is blue and sky is green, they will continue to twist and turn their way out of owning up to any responsibility.<\/span><\/p>\n

No wonder some experts feel wise proclaiming that holding a narcissist accountable is impossible.<\/p>\n

An easy problem to tackle this isn’t, but today I will share what I have learned first hand.<\/span><\/p>\n

Part of the answer is that when you want to hold sway with someone (not only a person with narcissistic tendencies) the equation works something like this;<\/span><\/p>\n

The more positive the connection between you = the more likely they will be to listen.<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

Narcissistic people hate it when anyone tries to make them admit their mistakes or shortcomings, so unless you have rapport with them it’s probably better you don’t even try.<\/em><\/span>“<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

This doesn\u2019t mean you need to give in to their bad behaviour. Instead of attempting to hold this person accountable,\u00a0consider making them face the consequences of their mistakes!<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

Get on the Same Level<\/b><\/span><\/h3>\n

No matter how superior you may feel your position to be, talking down to a person will rarely persuade them to hear you.<\/span><\/p>\n

So rather than you playing judge and jury (or mother superior) instead try some humility with a dash of grit . . .<\/span><\/p>\n

Example 1:<\/span><\/h4>\n
\n

I don\u2019t know how to sort out our finances and can\u2019t figure out where our money is going and so I have opened a separate bank account and hired an accountant to come in and see if they can sort out the mess.<\/em>\u201d<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Example 2:<\/span><\/h4>\n
\n

I am worried about you, but I don\u2019t know how to help you (with your porn addiction) and am scared it is hurting our sex life and putting our marriage at risk. So unless you\u2019ve got some ideas – I don’t know what to do except to talk to our doctor and see if they can help.<\/em>\u201d<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Example 3:<\/span><\/h4>\n
\n

I can\u2019t be late for work again today and so I am sorry I can\u2019t drop you off.<\/em>\u201d<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Example 4:<\/span><\/h4>\n
\n

I don\u2019t know how to handle you when you get so angry with me, and so from now on I am going to need to get someone who knows know how to handle angry people (the police?) here to come and talk to you when you lose your temper. I don\u2019t want to get you in trouble, I just don\u2019t know what else to do.<\/em>\u201d<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Or there may be situations where there is nothing to be said – you simply need to stop protecting them.<\/span><\/p>\n

A narcissistic person will most probably still get angry when you use these kind of scripts, so use your own judgement and play this carefully. These type of conversations are usually safer held in public places, such as a park or restaurant, and you need to make sure the consequences are not a bluff!<\/span><\/p>\n

They won\u2019t like what you are saying, but if you show genuine concern for them and let somebody else play the bad guy, you can keep your connection while at the same time making them face the consequences of their own acts.<\/span><\/p>\n

If your warning has no effect, then step out of the way and let life teach the lesson they have coming!<\/span><\/p>\n

Better Scripts for ‘Next Time’<\/b><\/span><\/h3>\n

If you are trying to hold a person accountable for events that have happened in the past – I suggest you make the decision to forget it instead.<\/span><\/p>\n

If you didn\u2019t know how to set a boundary back then, rubbing a person’s face in it now is not going to do anything but make them resent you.<\/span><\/p>\n

If they owe you money, hire a debt collector (if you need to) and step away from the adversarial role. Otherwise be kind to yourself<\/i> by forgiving them, but make sure you are prepared – with better scripts<\/span><\/a> – next time.<\/span><\/p>\n

New to Our Work?<\/strong> Please come and visit our homepage<\/span><\/a>. We have been online helping couples\u00a0for 10 years and hope we can help your family too.<\/em><\/p>\n

References: <\/strong><\/h5>\n

Psychology Today – https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/blog\/the-legacy-distorted-love\/201308\/narcissists-are-not-accountable<\/a> (They copied the image from my original post!)<\/span><\/p>\n

Psych Central –\u00a0https:\/\/pro.psychcentral.com\/exhausted-woman\/2016\/05\/7-tactics-narcissists-use-to-escape-responsibility\/<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

https:\/\/plus.google.com\/+kimandSteveCooper\/posts\/C2pKDoL44QG<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

https:\/\/www.mayoclinic.org\/diseases-conditions\/narcissistic-personality-disorder\/basics\/definition\/con-20025568<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

One of the most frustrating aspects of living, loving and\/or working with a person with the Signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder is certainly dealing with their lack of accountability.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":2703,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[44],"tags":[],"post_series":[84],"class_list":["post-2701","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-signs-narcissism","post_series-articles","entry","has-media"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/narcissismcured.com\/thencmarriage\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2701","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/narcissismcured.com\/thencmarriage\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/narcissismcured.com\/thencmarriage\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/narcissismcured.com\/thencmarriage\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/narcissismcured.com\/thencmarriage\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2701"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/narcissismcured.com\/thencmarriage\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2701\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/narcissismcured.com\/thencmarriage\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2703"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/narcissismcured.com\/thencmarriage\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2701"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/narcissismcured.com\/thencmarriage\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2701"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/narcissismcured.com\/thencmarriage\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2701"},{"taxonomy":"post_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/narcissismcured.com\/thencmarriage\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/post_series?post=2701"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}