{"id":2747,"date":"2015-02-02T07:39:51","date_gmt":"2015-02-01T20:39:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.narcissismcured.com\/blog\/?p=2747"},"modified":"2020-11-17T13:07:55","modified_gmt":"2020-11-17T02:07:55","slug":"read-this-first-part-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/narcissismcured.com\/thelovesafetynet\/read-this-first-part-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Read This First – Part 2"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Continued from Part 1<\/a><\/p>\n[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1\/2″][vc_column_text]\n

Master Class Dashboard<\/a><\/p>\n[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column_inner][\/vc_row_inner]

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What is Success?<\/h2>\n

My last article may have prompted ‘results-focused learners’ to ask, \u201cIf I shouldn\u2019t focus on results then what is success?<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

This is a good question that I hope I can answer clearly today.<\/p>\n

To get an objective viewpoint on this, some time ago I asked my good friend Dallas Fell (who has a PhD in behavioural psychology) to tell me honestly whether I should claim our program will give anyone who seriously applies it positive results.<\/p>\n

Dallas said, \u201cKim, I would say that anyone who made a serious attempt at applying even one of the skills you offer in \u201cBack From the Looking Glass<\/a>\u201d or \u201cThe Love Safety Net Workbook<\/a>\u201d, couldn\u2019t help but see a positive change in their life.”<\/em><\/p>\n

There is\u00a0a Catch<\/h2>\n

Over time I have come to see there is possibly a catch with this however and I want to be upfront about what that is here and now.<\/p>\n

After thinking long and hard about this I believe the problems some people come across with our program might be helped if you understand\u00a0this:<\/p>\n

When I first started applying these new habits to my life I had no idea that they would eventually soften Steve\u2019s heart.<\/p>\n

I had determined I was going to be victorious in taking my life to a better place\u2014but my focus was not really on Steve.<\/p>\n

Instead, my goals looked more like this . . .<\/p>\n

a. Regaining my sense of self to the point where my children could get to know who I really was (instead of the sad miserable person I had become).<\/p>\n

b. Not allowing Steve to hurt me anymore (without us separating).<\/p>\n

c. Becoming financially independent.<\/p>\n

In the end, Steve did come to love and respect me better and slowly we have built better trust between us – but in a sense, I had actually let go of that as a goal before I got that result.<\/p>\n

I talked about this in part 1<\/a> about letting go of the perfect picture we hold in our mind.<\/p>\n

I decided to start doing what was right for myself and the kids whether Steve liked it or not. Further, if he reacted badly and tried to stop me, I would no longer be frightened of calling in outside help.<\/p>\n

I believe it is this different focus that can cause problems for some people when they approach our work.<\/p>\n

Seeing how Steve and I interact now – it\u2019s easy for people who need our help to simply focus on wanting that result.<\/p>\n

That may be possible, sure, but like any journey, you need to be focused on the steps ahead more than focusing on the distant goal.<\/p>\n

Respect and trust are things that can only be built over time and will not happen overnight. It will be difficult for you to learn to become more emotionally self sufficient (which is vital) if your focus is only on building a loving rapport.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Most of all our program is a journey of self-discovery as you learn how to regulate your limbic system that governs your emotions and at the same time begin accessing your own source of inner balance, happiness and joy.<\/p>\n

I admit that sometimes that place of inner balance and joy can be hard to find\u00a0and staying connected with it requires ongoing dedication and faith.<\/p>\n

I only just realised recently that in the past three months I have allowed a couple of people in close proximity to my life steal my joy.<\/p>\n

One is a neighbour in our apartment who took over the body corporate committee that governs our building and then proceeded to level our apartments shared garden down to bare earth.<\/p>\n

Sadly that garden was where I found my connection to joy, and now every time I have to walk past it and see the barren wasteland it has become\u2014I feel furious at my neighbour and like a part of me has died.<\/p>\n

So right now I am using my own tools and strategies to deal with setting the current power imbalance in our apartment block right.*<\/p>\n

But if I ever hope to succeed, first I need to rediscover my own previously hard-won truths.<\/p>\n

The first being that because I feel someone has stolen my happiness, it is time to dig deep and rediscover that my only true connection with joy\u00a0lies within myself.<\/p>\n

I cannot promise you will find the relationship Steve and I have.<\/p>\n

Many people write to us and say that our work has helped them find this with their partner\u00a0and many others write and say that we helped them find the strength to move on.<\/p>\n

Ending the conflict and finding the confidence and trust in yourself that you will be okay either way,<\/em>\u00a0to me is the real sign of success.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Part 3 – When Magic Scissors Don\u2019t Work<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

* Updating this story 2 years later\u2014Steve and I eventually left that apartment and now manage a Motel where we have a lot more security and influence in the decisions that are made \ud83d\ude42 How we landed that position with no experience in Motel management is a long story but had everything to do with the skills we teach \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n

\u2014 A further 5-year update! The motel job ended up a bad deal for us financially in the end which took all of our resources to escape from. We did however continue learning from the process! We now manage 4 large houses (in a row in the same street) as private accommodation. We have long leases and good relationships with the owners. We have less work and much better returns than the motel provided. Our experience working at the motel made this all possible. The relationship skills we have learned (and taught) have also helped create a very stable and productive community of tenants :)[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][\/vc_row]\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_row_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1\/2″][vc_column_text] Continued from Part 1 [\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1\/2″][vc_column_text] Master Class Dashboard [\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column_inner][\/vc_row_inner][vc_column_text] What is Success? My last article may have prompted ‘results-focused learners’ to ask, \u201cIf I shouldn\u2019t focus on results then what is success?\u201d This is a good question that I hope I can answer clearly today. To get an objective viewpoint on this,…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":321,"featured_media":2750,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[331],"tags":[320,373,325],"post_series":[363],"class_list":["post-2747","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-narcissism-in-your-marriage","tag-gold-level-members","tag-kims-master-class","tag-members","post_series-read-these-first","entry","has-media"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/narcissismcured.com\/thelovesafetynet\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2747","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/narcissismcured.com\/thelovesafetynet\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/narcissismcured.com\/thelovesafetynet\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/narcissismcured.com\/thelovesafetynet\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/321"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/narcissismcured.com\/thelovesafetynet\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2747"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/narcissismcured.com\/thelovesafetynet\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2747\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/narcissismcured.com\/thelovesafetynet\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2750"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/narcissismcured.com\/thelovesafetynet\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2747"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/narcissismcured.com\/thelovesafetynet\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2747"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/narcissismcured.com\/thelovesafetynet\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2747"},{"taxonomy":"post_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/narcissismcured.com\/thelovesafetynet\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/post_series?post=2747"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}