{"id":2580,"date":"2014-11-03T19:14:32","date_gmt":"2014-11-03T08:14:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.narcissismcured.com\/blog\/?p=2580"},"modified":"2020-04-04T18:17:50","modified_gmt":"2020-04-04T07:17:50","slug":"3-empathy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/narcissismcured.com\/thelovesafetynet\/3-empathy\/","title":{"rendered":"Inner Connections 3 – Empathy"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Master Class Dashboard<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

Inner Connections Dashboard<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

[\/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\"bad<\/a><\/p>\n

Walk a Mile in Someone Else\u2019s Shoes<\/h2>\n

Now that we have slowed down our mind; stepped away from the little \u201cI\u201d of our ego and tuned into the wisdom of our heart and gut: let\u2019s consider the people around us.<\/p>\n

Take a little time now to put yourself in their shoes and consider their hopes and fears.<\/p>\n

Before I learned better skills to handle the conflict in our home, I was pleading with Steve nearly every day to change his ways.<\/p>\n

At that time he was staying out late, coming home drunk and leaving us with hardly any money for food, while many of our bills went unpaid.<\/p>\n

The idea that\u00a0our future happiness lay in his hands and that he had left me completely powerless tormented me.<\/p>\n

I wanted him to feel bad for what he was doing, and most of all, I wanted his selfish behaviour to end.<\/p>\n

Then one day, while backing up his computer, I found x rated sites he was visiting and conversations he was having with other women online.<\/p>\n

When I confronted him with what I had found, the fighting got even worse.<\/p>\n

Looking back on this now, I can\u2019t believe how long it took for me to see that trying to make him feel bad about what he was doing wasn\u2019t going to change his behaviour.<\/p>\n

Instead, I finally put myself in his shoes and found that I could feel bad for him.<\/p>\n

My ability to do this began when I remembered an earlier time in my life when I was in a previous bad relationship and wanted desperately to get away.<\/p>\n

I remembered the incredible self-pity I felt at that time and that all I could think about was longing to spend time with someone who thought I was amazing.<\/em><\/p>\n

So I grabbed that memory by the tail and understood that this must be how Steve was feeling!<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

I also suddenly understood that Steve was probably feeling overwhelmed at the idea of being a husband and father.<\/p>\n

I thought about times I had been tempted to neglect my responsibilities and be rebellious instead.<\/p>\n

Suddenly his behaviour wasn\u2019t so hard for me to understand and instead it just made me sad.<\/p>\n

I saw the truth that Steve he had given up on us and just wanted to get away.<\/p>\n

I had thought my family was dysfunctional, but genuinely feeling for him showed me that while my parent\u2019s marriage had fallen apart when I was in my late teens, it had been a lot more stable than his. My parents eventually got divorced, but neither were cheating on each other or having affairs.<\/p>\n

I also felt how angry and unfair Steve must be feeling that because he had never seen adults able to trust each other growing up, why would he think he could trust me?<\/p>\n

After I saw this, one of the first significant changes I made was to stop telling Steve that he had to prove that I could trust him and instead I started showing him that he could trust me.<\/p>\n

Seeing all of this helped me understand he did not hold our future happiness in his hands. Steve was spiritually and emotionally bankrupt at this time, instead of needing him to save us, I was the one who needed to rescue him!!!<\/p>\n

At that point, he had control of the money and a job (which gave him time away from us) and so it appeared he had more power than me. Suddenly I saw that because I still had hope, really I was much stronger than him.<\/p>\n

I stopped trying to get him to show me empathy and started to show him compassion instead.<\/p>\n

Looking for empathy from a person who is irresponsible and selfish is like asking a drowning man to save you. Instead, I saw that it was me who needed to earn his trust and help him to believe that together we could be a winning team.<\/p>\n

This new approach was not sympathy – because feeling sorry for a person who has given up on life isn\u2019t going to help. Quite the opposite, this will reinforce their bad behaviour and leave you open to exploitation.<\/p>\n

To show the leadership that is required to hold a family together requires taking\u00a0time now and then to try and see things from our other family members point of view.<\/p>\n