Sitting listening to a late night radio interview with the latest academic philosopher to have authored a book on narcissism, I was struck (once again) with disbelief that neuroscience and emotional intelligence training is still not taught alongside philosophy in school.<\/p>\n
The only original\u00a0idea this author seemed to offer was, \u2018Self knowledge and integrity are overrated, because how can we know ourselves (or be true to ourselves) when internally we have such conflicting desires?\u2019\u00a0One example he used was that while he desired a monogamous relationship with one woman, there was also part of him that wanted to play the field. He put forward the view that because of these conflicting desires, self knowledge and genuine\u00a0integrity were not really possible.<\/p>\n
I have heard men’s desire to play the field used as an excuse for a lot of bad behavior in my time, but to hear it used as a reason to dismiss self knowledge and integrity as sham is really taking things too far.<\/p>\n
“Instead I would say that self knowledge and integrity are the markers of good mental health and a meaningful life.”<\/em><\/p>\n Today I would like to share with you my understanding of self knowledge and also talk a little more about men\u2019s desire to play the field.<\/p>\n There is a myth in society that tries to define people according to their tastes. Whether a person is a Coke or Pepsi drinker says very little about a them except to define them in very shallow and largely unhelpful ways. This serves consumerism but little else.<\/p>\n Advertisers yearn for brand loyalty but the truth is that people\u2019s tastes change.<\/p>\n For instance I was a smoker for many years, lived in a big city and loved rock music. Now I live by the sea, cannot imagine smoking and listen to very little except for old time jazz. Yet I am the same person and still there is plenty for me to know about myself that will help me live a productive and meaningful life.<\/p>\n When my daughter was in primary school, she came home one day nearly in tears and said, “Mum I get so hungry at school, I can’t stop eating and all the kids laugh at me so much!” I consoled her and explained the reason we don’t have bread or cakes at home is because they turn some people\u2019s \u2018hunger switch\u2019 on. So if she didn’t want to get hungry at school all she had to do was avoid bread and cakes at the school canteen.<\/p>\n Two days later she came home smiling and said, \u201cIt works! Today my hunger switch finally turned off!\u201d<\/p>\n In this example the self knowledge my daughter needed was how her choices were affecting her desire<\/em> for food. This is very different than defining someone by their tastes as her classmates had done when they teased her and called her \u2018a guts\u2019.<\/p>\n I remember when Steve finally had the realisation that his tastes did not define him or make him a better man. He said \u201cThinking that your taste in women or booze makes you a\u00a0connoisseur\u00a0is only going to see you end up a dirty old man or a drunk!\u201d.<\/p>\n Viewing online pornography habitually for men can be like the \u2018hunger switch\u2019 bread was for my daughter,\u00a0except in this case causing\u00a0a slippery slope of neurological changes that will eventually lead a man to impotence and depression.<\/p>\n Research\u00a0these days into brain science offers a wealth of information that show men need to be warned about the dangers of viewing online porn. When men are shown and come to understand the way their brains become rewired when they choose to view an endless selection of sexually attractive women, many will choose to switch away from this pastime and start making healthier choices for themselves.<\/p>\n This type of self knowledge can help make choices that will affect what<\/em> we desire.<\/p>\n This knowledge is now helping men by the thousands make the choice to turn their back on porn. If your partner has a problem with this there is a page here which is part of the Love Safety Net Love Boat Cruise that you might want to send them and encourage them to subscribe.<\/p>\nThe Myth: Taste =\u00a0Self Knowledge<\/h2>\n