Becoming a Responsible Husband and Father

The role of husband and father has been sidelined by society to the point where men have few positive role models left.

I am not an old man, but still, remember a time growing up when life was different. A time when men felt very secure in the knowledge that the place they belonged in the world was ‘sharing the field’ in their home with their wife as central players:

Realizing I belonged at home with my family was one of the greatest revelations in my life.

Once upon a time, that situation was different for me. When Kim and I first had children, unfortunately, I was still acting like a teenager, treating Kim like she was my mother. I felt uncomfortable in the role of husband and father and even picked fights with her as an excuse to get away.

In my ‘growing up story,’ it took the police and a judge warning me until I woke up to the fact I needed to change my ways.

Don’t put it off any longer! Settling into a peaceful and joyous home life is the best life a man could want.”

Feel More Comfortable and Relaxed in Your Home

Exercise:

We’ll continue this work throughout the challenge, but these first steps are really about collecting data:

1. Start quietly doing some chores at home that don’t take you away from your family. For instance, if they are sitting around the TV you can help put things away, fold clean laundry or wipe down counters in the kitchen. Work on being invisible while you do this so you get to learn how your family relate to each other when you are not around. If you are married and don’t have children this still applies. Getting out of your own little world and feeling comfortable at home means being ‘part of the landscape’ and not focused on yourself all the time. Note: If helping with housework is going to draw too much attention to yourself from your wife, start by sitting quietly on the sidelines and seeing if you can be present and attentive without being seen or felt.

2. Help your wife to make sure you eat meals together around the table (not around the TV) at least 3 or 4 times a week.

3. Be present and aware of the conversation around you when people speak to you, learning as much about each family member as you can. A good way to do this is to draw family members out in conversation by repeating the last word or two of the sentence they just finished. For instance, if your son says; “I can’t believe what —– said to me!” You can say in an interested tone of voice, “said to you?” This will encourage him that you are interested in his story and if you continue with this tactic you will soon learn what is on his mind.

To learn more simple tricks like this on how to communicate with your family more effectively I also recommend the following 2 books:

How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk

How to Talk so Teens will Listen and Listen so Teens will Talk

Both of these books share their ideas in cartoons for easy reference.

4. See if you can notice how family members are feeling. Do they look excited, anxious, tired or sad? If so, see if you can respond appropriately remembering what you would like from others when you feel like this.

We will talk more about reading people soon – but for now, I want you to write a note of the points above in your journal and start working on them tonight!

 

 

Finished the exercise? Come discuss your experience in our private Facebook classroom: