Stick With the Crowd
The first step you need to take to stop being a scapegoat is to stop isolating yourself.
Even if you are a pulling away person the safest place for you to be is joining in activities in your community.
If your relationship has isolated you from your family and friends make the effort to get back in touch.
However, if the people you try and mix with gossip and put other people down – politely walk away and find a different group to join.
Facebook can be a great way to get back in touch with family and friends you have lost touch with. It gives you the chance to be friendly and build rapport without having to get into anything heavy or answer too many questions. It is also relatively easy to find people.
Church is also a great community activity where the doors are usually open to strangers and there will most likely be activities like choir practice or the flower committee that you can sign up for and where people may be more friendly than if you just joined a class.
Talking about the weather may sound dull – but it is a great way to connect with neighbours without the risk of getting into any kind of disagreement. “Nice day,” or “It looks like we might have some rain coming our way,” is timeless friendly banter and will rarely offend.
Graciously decline private invitations with neighbors unless you have known them for a very long time, or they are to a group activity or get together in your street.
Other great ideas are joining a local social dance class, community action group, or if you are older, lawn bowls, bingo or housie.
When you attend – join in with the activity at hand and do not try and alter the agenda to suit your interests. You will still have plenty of time to pursue those in your own time.
When you are out make the effort to dress well and walk confidently. Always look like you have somewhere you are going when you are walking on the street.
Wearing red (not a red dress that means something different) is a great sign of confidence.
Don’t hang out in secluded or lonely places; do your best to stick with the crowd.
2 things that will see you shunned
The 2 most important things people want to know when they meet you is whether or not you are financially and emotionally stable. If not they will probably shun you. Don’t lean on people who are probably only treading water themselves.
If you decide to ask someone for help do so directly and tell them exactly what it is that you want from them while making it easy for them to say no.
If you need to borrow money go to a recognized aid or charity organization or church and don’t ask your family or friends.
Likewise don’t turn to your family or friends if you are feeling emotionally unstable. Instead take yourself out of the situation and do your best to self soothe by reframing and refocusing – do this by writing down what upset you and then forget it and focus on something that will make you feel better. Don’t drink or smoke but instead take care of yourself and give yourself love and care.
Don’t Look for Sympathy
Most important of all is don’t share information about yourself that could be misconstrued or used against you. Work on self soothing and give yourself the sympathy you need rather than looking for sympathy or understanding from others.
Once you make a few friends see if you can a get a few of them to drop in once in a while for coffee or tea.
If this threatens other people close to in your life stand your ground. It will be harder for them to sabotage ten new friendships that you are nurturing than just one.
Find the Courage in Yourself
Don’t expect your loved ones to help you find the confidence to start joining in the crowd. They will be scared of losing you, so making sure you show them affection when you leave, saying when you will be home and even inviting them to join you and then greet them warmly when you come home.
Learn New Scripts
In this interview Liz Laugeson teaches autistic kids ways to deal with teasing that we can all learn from . . .
I have one child on the autism spectrum but our whole family has learned from this movie above. My daughter especially has found these comebacks extremely useful.
To make this effective you need to imagine the situation where you need a comeback, choose which one you think will work best for you and practice this in your own mind until you feel you can do this confidently.
Stop worrying that people are judging you and realize that they are probably just as worried about what you are thinking of them.
There is no safety in being a loner 🙂
Kim Cooper
Comments (0)